i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
