I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
