I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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