doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
