Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
