im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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