I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
