considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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