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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...

  (971): View more from Oregon

  it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  well now I have to

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• (518): View more from New York

  hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well puke fest 2014 just happened

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.

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