Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
