these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
