u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
