How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
