Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
