Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
