I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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