Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
