It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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