Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
