Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
