Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.