3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room