saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.