my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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