On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.