you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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