I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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