so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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