I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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