i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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