So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
