Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
