I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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