Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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