What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
