Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've blown a few things in my day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
