i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
