I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
