You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
