Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
