I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
