Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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