any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
