I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
