youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
