your parents love me but you hate me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
