Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
