there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
