Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
