Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How does it feel to date your dad?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
