This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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