Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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