I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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