conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
