My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
North Korea, Best Korea!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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