I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So. Much. Porn.
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