i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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