you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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