Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
soo... how was my night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
