ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
