should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
