I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
