Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
