I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
