i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
