So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
