Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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