I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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