and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
try to milk me bitch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
