We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
