alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
