mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
