apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
