Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Plan B is the new Plan A
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
