two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
