I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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